Learning To Accept My Blessings

So My Love and I were chatting last night about blessings while I was explaining to him my mentality on blessing others with things of my own that I consider precious, albeit my peronal time, a personal object, a gift of a favor, however it unfolds.  One of my many memorable chats with God came to mind as I recalled the way he described to me a gift he had for me and exactly why he chose me to have it out of all his other children. This concept stuck with me and keeps me from feeling resentful of blessing someone who does not appreciate my gift by choosing carefully to whom I bless it with.  The conversation was journaled and was written as follows:

10-12-2012  Friday  3:10pm

     I feel guilty at the idea of spending all my free time, (of which I have been blesed with plenty of) singing in open forums, talking to & educating people about general stuff I know, writing about my own thoughts & nterests, cooking and creating mystery recipes, and travelling to places known & unknown.

     The feeling brought on by a quiet conversation in my head with God.  In it he was encouraging me, stirring up within me a desire to go out and sing and my reply was that I didn’t have time for that kind of thing.

     “Make the time.” HE whispered, like the gentle nudging of a trusted friend with a twinkle in their eye and a smile at the very corner of their lips.  “How can I spend this time & energy doing the things I love doing when there are so many other things to do.

     “I want you to sing, write, explore, travel, cook, and enjoy all of the things you love doing.  And I will pay you for doing them.”

     The fullness of the reality of this kind of statement/promise hit me like a brick and I immediately found my face down in front of me and tears streaming out as though I had bee crying all along.  The flashes of a great many trials and difficulties in my life flooded my vision and were chased away by memories and personal knowledge of the far more desperate sufferings of so, so many others I have met or come to know along life’s travels.

     I could helpd but to feel unworthy of such a gift in comparison to the needs of these others.  Instantly realizing “yet again” how full and blessed my life has already been.  To which HE responds:

     “This gift is yours.  I have gifts for everyone.  To each I will give at the time for which it has been deserved.  Your gift is designed for you alone.  That is what makes it “yours” and not someone elses.  No one else will be able to appreciate this gift the way that you will. I know this.  It is why I am happy to let you have it and lay in wait to watch you enjoy it and flourish from it.”

     “My gifts will often be distributed with an expected level of appreciation already anticipated.  It cannot be helped. ~ The appreciation, I mean.  These kinds of gifts are different and unique because they are completely intangeble.  They are fused to the spirit of a man and motivate him beyond his own ability to control it.  The utilization of these kinds of gifts are like the lever to a levy, the pully on a pinball machine, the valve on a loose water hose.  The force unleashed can create a riple effecting an unfathomable amount of things.  Just imagine if there were no walls to the levy and no hills or mountains around when the lever is pulled… no side walls to block the ball’s direction when the pully is released… no yard when the hose releases the water… UNCONTROLABLE.”

     “The level of joy is far to great when a man recieves gifts of the spirit.  HE cannot help himself but to celebrate and rejoyce.  In the midst of both of these is the very essence of appreciation.  True, genuine, heartfelt appreciation.”
“I repeat… to each is given their gifts at the time in their lives during which they are deserving.  No one deserves a Spiritual gift that cannot fully appreciate it.  And I have gifts for everyone.  Receive yours.  You don’t realize it but you have been running from it for a very long while now.  For years now.  I am tired of fighting with you.  I have found that some of my children require a struggle preceeding the acceptance of certain gifts.  Like every parent with a stubborn child, I grow weary of trying to get you to hear me.  Especially when what I have to speak of is good news.  The stubborn children have the weakest faith of all my truly faithful.  Logic and reasoning is required before the acceptance of anything.  Even miracles.  It is sad because they are often the most deserving of their gifts well before reception.  They simply cannot rationalize their worthiness nor reason out, ‘why them’.  What they fail to recall is that I alone, do the rationalizing… I alone, know the logic behind it all… I alone, do the choosing… and thus “I AM” the reason ‘why them’.  I have gifts for everyone.  Your turn Synthia, is right now”

SK

******SIDENOTE*******

In no way do I compare myself to God in my choosing.  I just understand his perspective on the giftee apprecating a particular gift given. The deeper message here for me was learning to graciously accept a gift of such magnitude with the understanding that the one who gave it to me had already taken the time to consider my heart and pre-existing level of appreciation.  Had considered how it would please me, bless me and bring me enough joy to bless others with it. That I would enjoy it enough to not put it to waste.  So here I sit and think of how my life has unfolded into an arena that encompasses literally all of the things that He wanted for me and how in doing them I am indeed being paid… in cash, food, clothing, favors, loyalty, respect, honor, possessions, priviledge, education and an overabundance of opportunities to continue on a path to more wealth, progress, personal success.  And just as He said it would be, the level of joy within me is beyond words of description. My heart fills to the point where I feel I should begin to see it pressing through the flesh of my chest, I can barely breathe and the tears splash out like the misty showers of a wave crashing against the rocks of all my years of stubborness.  How often others have been blessed by my merely reveling in the joy of utilizing my gifts can’t even be counted. And I celebrate with them and I rejoice always and I Thank Him Every Day for all of it.  How pleased He must be in those moments as He witnesses the joy He’s brought me in His gift. As He is able to observe the blessings to me and to others it brings in the wake of said joy.

So I leave you with this to consider.  You’ve heard the saying “Don’t block the blessing” with regards to accepting gifts graciously because the gift giver will receive a blessing just for blessing you with a gift.  Now think of this….it is quite possible that you not only block the blessing of the gift giver, but also those blessings to be bestowed upon others by the joy of the you’re own enjoyment of it.  Just as important and especially when in the position to receive a gift from someone you respect, of which you believe or feel that you are unworthy… Before you say, “No, no, no, that’s too much” or “I couldn’t possible accept that”…. Realize the possibility that they have already taken the time to consider your heart and your pre-existing level of appreciation for this type of gift and it is with great joy that they are choosing you over all others to take pleasure in its reception.  Embrace your worthiness in this moment and praise God for sending you someone to show your value and greater level of worth to others than you thought  you knew.  Accept your gift.  Receive your blessing. Celebrate with others as you bless them. Rejoice in Lord thru it all as He is celebrating with you.

~God Is Good All The Time

~And All The Time God Is Good